At age seventy-five, every moment spent with my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren is a holy moment, not to be squandered. The other day, while going to the store, my granddaughter was on her cell phone texting. I said, “Sweetie you are important to me and every moment we have together now is precious. Do you think what you are doing now can wait?” She said, “Oh sorry grandma, every moment is really precious to me too, and this is just a stupid habit. Thanks for reminding me.” She put her phone away and we reconnected, creating the kind of conversations and connections we both love.
According to CNN and a 2014 Nielsen survey, the average American spends 11 hours on social media, and more than half of that time is spent looking at smartphones or tablets. You can imagine what that figure is today with the addition of “selfies.” Our level of real intimacy has diminished with sexting, texting, porn sites and emails.
Some people keep messages from loved ones who have passed years after they have departed so that they can remember the sound of their voice. Doing so may also keep the grieving process going on too long without healing, yet some might say, What better way of using technology? Hmmm…How about love? It may sound simplistic, but actually, love is the most powerful energy known to man. It circles the earth in less time than sound or light and is considered the strongest healing energy on the planet. It is the only answer to our sense of isolation in the world, a world that is becoming increasingly more separated. Love will endure long after pictures have faded and messages are accidentally erased.
Today we have to be careful. We are all on sensory overload with what is going on in the world, in Washington and in our own homes with stressors of every kind. It’s easy to want to check out, but the cost of that is devastating. My life is filled with amazing holy moments of connection, as I like to call them. The toughest ones were with my finest teachers, woven into the fabric of my soul. In these moments, I have been both teacher and student, adult and child, healer and healed…and I believe, these precious moments in relationships of every kind, are the real steps to enlightenment. The connections we have that are real, teach us who we are. They show us our need for sameness, our level of empathy, our ability to be present, our willingness to set and respect boundaries, our level of compassion, our willingness to forgive and our commitment to be truthful in all things. These holy moments reflect our character, our values and our level of consciousness.
We live in a country that has an aversion to feelings. The amount of pain killers and antidepressants we take would attest to that. Could this need for our electronics simply be yet another way to avoid feeling our feelings? Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate being able to write columns and share information on my web site and Facebook. However, between people who keep their schedules so packed they don’t have time to deeply connect with anyone, and those who always have their noses in a cell phone or computer, I am afraid we are losing the incredible gift of going deeper with each other.
So, here is the point. The next time you are with someone, put your cell phone on silent or put your computer away and get into the magic of being fully present. Think about some questions that you sincerely want an answer for or something you really want the other person to know about you. Ask meaningful questions, give truthful, meaningful answers and be genuinely interested in learning about yourself, your responses and the other person. In 35 years of counseling, I have never lost a client from a feeling. However, I have talked with many people at the end of their lives who felt they did not do what they came here to do which was find out who they were at a core level. Don’t let that be you. Dive back into real. The gifts are immense.
© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2017. All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.