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Fun Tools
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 Stopping
the Drama and Pain In Relationships
What
Works:
1. A commitment to living in a non-violent, contempt
free relationship.
2. A willingness to give up grandiosity.
3. Asking for what you need with an authentic
voice or your heart space.
4. Break down requests so that partners can
understand how to you what you need. Empower
each other to succeed.
5. Seeing the issues as “we, our” or
mutual issues.
6. Releasing the need to punish or achieve
retribution or retaliation.
7. Stepping back to see the big picture and
what really matters, moment to moment.
8. Release resentment and the need to hold
on to the injury in order to be one up.
9. A willingness/commitment to keep trying.
10. Stepping into your own positive power
and taking responsibility for your own actions
and decisions as an adult. – Stop the
blame game.
11. Doing your personal work to build self-esteem
and resolve old issues in order to build
confidence and reduce co-dependency.
12. Understand the effect contemptuousness
has on children and those around you.
13. Fight fair, without name calling, accusations,
or demeaning statements.
14. Remember the goal is more love, not more
power.
15. Cherish each other, the family and the
importance of relationships of every kind.
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What
Doesn’t Work:
1. Contemptuousness
2. Grandiosity
3. Guilt and shaming
4. The need for retribution
5. Distance
6. You statements and accusations
7. Holding on to the injury past resolve
to stay in control or be one up
8. Refusing to forgive because of your
own fears of intimacy
9. Compliance
10. Being above the rules or entitled
11. Need to be right
12. Controlling the other through intimidation,
interrogation, shaming
13. Unbridled self-expression or raging
14. Retaliation
15. Compliance (builds resentment)
16. Non-compliance (passive-aggressive)
17. Indifference – Withdrawal
18. Payback or withhold
19. Character assignation
20. A loss of cherishing, open-heartedness
and romance
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Dr. Dina Evan
http://www.DrDinaEvan.com
DrDBE@attglobal.net
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