|
Without
good boundaries: |
With
good boundaries: |
|
 |
|
| Feel
afraid - anticipate crisis - always expect
the worst to happen |
Feel
secure - grounded - able to cope |
| Have
difficulty saying "no" |
Are
able to set limits and say "no" |
| Change
your behavior, plans or opinions to pacify
partner - withhold your truth |
Remain
true to self and attempt mutually satisfying
compromise that respects the needs of
both |
| Make
exceptions and excuses for partner's
behavior - even when appropriate |
Is
flexible and accountable and expect others
to be flexible and accountable also |
| Are
unclear about your choices, preferences
and opinions - wonder if you are right
often |
Feel
clear and decisive and act to get what
you want and need |
| Make
others responsible for your good and
bad feelings about yourself |
Take
responsibility for your own feelings
and responses |
| Use
guilt, fear, shame, intimidation or interrogation
in attempting to change partner |
Speak
with "I" messages and attempt to hear
and understand partner |
| Are
more focused on partner's needs, emotions
and feelings than you are on your own |
Are
in touch with your own needs, emotions,
feelings and attend to them with self
nurturing |
| Are
unable to get angry but often feel victimized |
Can
express healthy anger and refuse to be
victimized |
| Feel
you must physically separate to get space
and feel safe |
Can
stay engaged and yet feel separate |
| Often
discount intuitive hunches |
Listen
and abide by intuition |
| Will
comply with unwanted sexual advances
in order to feel loved |
Do
not compromise your integrity for sex |
| Attempt
to get your own needs met by constantly
doing for others |
Are
direct about getting needs met and does
not attempt to manipulate others |
| Avoid
knowing the truth in attempting to avoid
pain |
Willing
to experience temporary frustration or
pain as an accepted part of growth |
Relationship
Boundaries