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Relationship Boundaries

A Guide for Checking Your
Boundaries Within Relationships

Without good boundaries:

With good boundaries:

Feel afraid - anticipate crisis - always expect the worst to happen Feel secure - grounded - able to cope
Have difficulty saying "no" Are able to set limits and say "no"
Change your behavior, plans or opinions to pacify partner - withhold your truth Remain true to self and attempt mutually satisfying compromise that respects the needs of both
Make exceptions and excuses for partner's behavior - even when appropriate Is flexible and accountable and expect others to be flexible and accountable also
Are unclear about your choices, preferences and opinions - wonder if you are right often Feel clear and decisive and act to get what you want and need
Make others responsible for your good and bad feelings about yourself Take responsibility for your own feelings and responses
Use guilt, fear, shame, intimidation or interrogation in attempting to change partner Speak with "I" messages and attempt to hear and understand partner
Are more focused on partner's needs, emotions and feelings than you are on your own Are in touch with your own needs, emotions, feelings and attend to them with self nurturing
Are unable to get angry but often feel victimized Can express healthy anger and refuse to be victimized
Feel you must physically separate to get space and feel safe Can stay engaged and yet feel separate
Often discount intuitive hunches Listen and abide by intuition
Will comply with unwanted sexual advances in order to feel loved Do not compromise your integrity for sex
Attempt to get your own needs met by constantly doing for others Are direct about getting needs met and does not attempt to manipulate others
Avoid knowing the truth in attempting to avoid pain Willing to experience temporary frustration or pain as an accepted part of growth

Total up your score:
If you have 7 points or more on the "Without Good Boundaries" side, you will know this is an issue affecting your relationship.

Email your comments and suggestions to:

Dr. Dina

Once Spirit is found within,
We are able to feel it everywhere.

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Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan - Coaching for Individuals and Couples
Telephone: 602-571-8228 FAX: 602-944-5950

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