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This Month's Column

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Abuse

Anger

Bed Death

Being Best

Blaming Parents

Breaking Up

Boundaries

Change

Cheating/Emotional Affairs

Co-Dependency

Commitment/Marriage

Communication

Connecting

Consciousness

Contempt

Christmas

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Energy/Truth

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Expectations

Expecting the Worst

Fantasy

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Gay/Lesbian

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Guilt and Shame

Happiness

Hard Feelings

Healing

Health

Holidays

Independence

Intention

Integrity

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Jealousy

Largesse

Life/Fairness

Love

Mother's Day

Path/Pathology

Finding Peace

Perspective

Priorities

Relationships

Resentments

Responsibility

Prosperity

Sadness

Sensitivity

Sex/Marriage

Spirituality

Stay or Go

Thanksgiving

Toxic People

Trust

Truth

Turning Points

Valentine's Day

Waking Up

Weight

What Matters in Life

Where Are You

Contact Dr. Dina


 


Change

 

A Minute Ago?

A minute ago we felt safe. Getting the repair guy on the phone to fix the refrigerator could be more important than lingering for a moment to say I love you in a kiss. Running out the door without a hug was acceptable if you were late to work. Couldn't our partners get that getting a new client was understandably a higher priority than dinner at home with the family? Checking stocks on line was time well spent on a Saturday morning and who cares if you and aunt Mattie went to bed mad at each other or you hadn't called your folks in a couple of weeks.

A minute ago, getting angry at the busboy, stock clerk or service attendant was important because they ought to know better. Cutting back in front of the jerk who cut you off proved a thing or two and of course you had every reason for talking behind your friends back. Zipping through the intersection was acceptable and talking over Uncle Andy's story was understandable because he was taking too long to get to the point.

A minute ago how we looked could be more important than our health or sense of well being. A minute ago taking time to support a friend could wait given the hecticness of the day. A minute ago God was something we talked about, not something we tried to live. Spirituality was something the woo woo folks played around with and getting conscious was something we'd all do later when life slowed down.

A minute ago it didn't seem to matter if another angry word, thoughtless deed or act of violence took place in the world. A minute ago the world wasn't lying with it's belly blown open and there was time to teach that violence only begets violence in any situation - the harder you push at evil, the harder it pushes back. But that was a minute ago and now we are standing at the brink of our own destruction - or our finest moment.

In the same way that it is impossible to not be pregnant once you are, or not have heard a truth once you have - it is also impossible to stand on both side of love and hate, war and peace, life and death. There is no going back for do-overs. The weapons are too dangerous and the stakes too high. You and I must act now and create a miracle in our own homes and hearts. We must prayerfully, honestly and with every ounce of conviction stop the separation that takes place anywhere in our lives. Can you imagine what it could be like without another moment of name-calling, arrogance, disrespect or shaming for our partners and our children? Not another moment of inflicting pain or misusing power. No more support for violent movies, video or computer games that numb us to the reality of war and pain. When it is real, it stops being a game. When it's a game it deadens us to what's real.
The next time you encounter anger, take a breath and make a conscious decision not to fuel it with a response. Walk away, remain silent or silently offer a blessing for that person's awakening, but move on. Remember what happened a minute ago.

The healing of this country and planet must take place in our own hearts. Put your arms around your beloved and never leave each other with anger between you. Tell your friends what a sacred place they hold in your life and get in touch with your families to do the same. Thank your teachers, your mentors and your guides. Embrace love and life today and stop planning and living for tomorrow. Get your priorities in order and make sure that from moment to moment, day to day and month to month, no matter what happens you will never regret not having said or done anything, a minute ago.



 

Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan - Coaching for Individuals and Couples
Telephone: (602)997-1200 FAX: (602)997-0970

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