How do you know if you are sick of your relationship or sick of your self? I hate to break it to you…but it’s all the same thing!
Have you ever noticed that when you get up in the morning feeling positive and energetic, your whole day seems to flow into a lighter and more uplifting experience? Have you also noticed that when you get up in a bad mood, mad at the world, it seems as if everyone is out to get you all day long? The whole day turns into a “bad day.” The reason for that is, your outer world including your relationship, is a direct reflection of what is going on emotionally and spiritually inside you. If there is peace on the inside, there will be peace on the outside. If there is turmoil and conflict on the inside, there will be turmoil and conflict on the outside. The same paradigm for your personal reality is true about issues or beliefs concerning lack, abundance, love, hate, truth, lies and relationships. Whatever you are experiencing in your inner world, manifests and reflects itself back to you via your outer world.
Try on these examples. If you are in a relationship in which your partner lies to you, no doubt you are also lying to yourself about something. Perhaps you are saying to yourself, “He or she will change,” or “I really don’t mind being lied to.”
If you are in a relationship in which your partner cheats on you – I’ll bet you are cheating on yourself in some way. Did you decide to ignore some boundary violation? Did you miss any billboards that came up along the way trying to alert you that there was a trust issue at stake? Didn’t you make the conscious or unconscious decision to stay with someone who refuses to remain faithful? Aren’t all those ways in which you are cheating on you?
Most people go through life feeling as if they are simply victims to whatever life has to offer. We believe life does us! Most of us are much more comfortable blaming and manipulating our external world, than we are taking responsibility for what is happening to us. We live with the illusion that if our partner would only change we would be happier. If we only had that better job, then we could relax. If we were with someone who paid more attention to us we’d feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately that isn’t true, as you have no doubt already discovered once having obtained the very thing you once thought would make you happy.
It would seem we have it backwards! We believe we have to do the right relationship, the right job, the right house, the right car, and the right partner in order for us to finally be who we really are! The truth is – when we decide to be who we are, all those other things just follow, in Divine right order, as we metaphysicians like to say. Giving yourself permission to be happy, empowered, alive, creative, successful, is not about who your partner is or what your partner is doing with his or her life. It’s about who you are and what you are willing to do for yourself in your life.
Feeling “sick of yourself or your relationship” is an important feeling to notice. It’s a good place to begin an exploration to find out what is really going on. Ask yourself, “What am I really sick of?” Maybe you are sick of feeling stuck, stagnant, limited or trapped. Perhaps you are sick of experiencing the same old issues and are ready to address them and move on. Are you sick of feeling as if life is dull, uneventful or exciting? Once you discover what it is you are really sick of, you can begin to do something about that issue. You can take the power back and directly address the issue for yourself instead of making your partner responsible.
Most of us give our power away with out really being aware that we are doing so. We give our power away each time we make someone else responsible for our reality or choices in life. Listen to some of the phrases and expressions I hear and my responses to them.
“She makes me mad! “
When did you give her the power over your emotions and responses?
“He says it’s my fault!”
So, why do you believe him? When did you give him the power to decide what your truth should be?
“She won’t let go of the issue.”
No one can argue alone! Someone is deciding to participate with her in keeping the issue alive.
Notice how easy it is to forget you are responsible for your own reality and you do not have to do anything you do not wish to do. OK, I hear all of those “yes buts” resounding from the rafters. Yes, but she’ll be angry. Yes, but he’ll feel upset. Yes, but she’ll be hurt. So? Someone may be hurt, angry or upset when you decide to be yourself, but that is their work and not yours. It’s not your job to be what someone else wants you to be. That excuse is just that, an excuse for not going forward – and it’s making you sick of yourself!. It’s your job to be who you are. Stop distancing your joy, aliveness and excitement by making someone else responsible for giving it to you! Don’t get sick of your life. Instead, create it your way.
© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013