uealse Consciousness - Dr. Dina Evan's Columns

Archive for the ‘Consciousness’ Category

Living Deeply

There are people who live deeply enveloped in the aliveness in their life, and there are those who stand on the sidelines. There are people who create ecstasy in their relationships and others who are just doing time. There are those on the cutting edge of consciousness and those standing still in their own ego. The difference is courage.  

It takes courage to be fully engaged with life because we are under the impression that our feelings are facts and that our egos and possessions must be protected at all costs. Looking good, being right and having control too often trump humility, authenticity and growth.  When you are willing to face everything, own every feeling and take personal responsibility for what you create in your life, a stunning clarity and sense of real power arrives. It is then that life, or the Universe, starts to align and organize itself to give you exactly what you want.  Actually, it is then that you realize that life has been doing that all along.  It’s all about passion and courage.

As simple as it may sound, having the courage to live deeply from a place of passion is a challenge. It’s not so easy being the same on the inside as we are on the outside, but living deeply demands that and so that is our work. To live deeply, in alignment with your self, you can’t say you love the people in your life, and then treat them badly. You can’t be partially honest, partially authentic, partially present or partially committed, you either are or you are not any of those things.   If you don’t know whether you are— you are not.

You either create the good in your life or you create chaos and either reality is always outcome of your choices and what you choose to focus on with passion. The Universe, or life, has no agenda for you and it does not presume to assume it should create your reality for you. It’s simply follows your direction, passion and energy. If you want to attract something or someone into your life, you need to make sure that your thoughts and actions are aligned with your desire. It’s a simple Universal principle that has now been proven scientifically.

Is it possible to have it all?  That is exactly what living deeply is all about.  It’s about embracing every feeling and fear. It’s about moving through every challenge to get to the gold on the other side. It’s about giving yourself permission to experience the ecstasy at the same moment that you experience the pain in your life or the world. There really is no either-or. There is no this-or- that. There is only all of it.  The only difference with people who live this way and those who don’t is having the courage to face everything and refusing to be in denial about anything. If you face the fact that the aliveness is gone from your relationship, you can begin to get it back. If you face your anger with a friend, it can begin to resolve itself. If you face your fear about a career change, you will begin to see how to move through it and create something new.   

Pain also has a purpose. It tells us where we are out of alignment with ourselves both individually and collectively. If we are embracing the pain and really listening, we can then make a new decision, adjust our course, get back into alignment to avoid creating additional pain for ourselves. That’s very powerful – knowing that you have the power to create less pain in your life, the moment you are willing to face the pain you are currently in. Pain is actually a great and honorable teacher. It’s a red flag that say, “Hey there’s an opportunity for growth over here.”

If we are going to change the future, we need to find a way to meet ourselves and each other in a deeper place than we have been before – past the separation created by our ego and into a place of higher consciousness and connection.  Living deeply is for pioneers. We have to get past our grandiose sense of self, our resentments and our refusal to heal and find a way to support each other, forgive ourselves and each other, and love each other on this journey. After all, the future needs every one of us.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

The Gift of Gap

Cheryl Crow says,  “It’s the turnaround or pivotal moments that introduce you to yourself – these small or these huge catastrophic events in your life – that’s where you really meet yourself. “  If you are a student of consciousness you know that these precious moments  in that gap, just seconds before you take that next step, make that next decision, or say those next words are profoundly potent and critical to your personal evolution. It is in that moment, in that gap that we find enlightenment.  It is there that we conquer ourselves. It is there that we meet the shadow side of us that has learned to defend, justify, excuse and lie in order to survive. As adults, those parts don’t always serve our best interests.

What might we meet in the gap? Both sides of ourselves, hopefully without blame or shame, because we all have these sides and should be glad we do. They helped us to survive. Here are some examples.

Shadow Side

Pretending innocence or goodness, staying overly upset or unwillingness to forgive a perceived badness in others.

Jealousy, exclusivity, prejudice

Feeling unduly threatened or insecure

Emotionally or physically abusive

Manipulation or misuse of power

Passive aggressiveness, secrecy

Dishonesty, gossip, corruption

Covert behavior or nastiness, contempt

Selective memory, Truth distortions to make self look victimized or one-up

Silence, withholds or compliance

Power trips, emotional control or blackmail

Vindictiveness or unwillingness to forgive

Poor, pitiful me

Expecting too much from others and resenting it when you don’t get what you want.

Hatred, elitism

Self destructiveness – substance, self-abuse

Being Miserly, selfish

Grandiosity or ego

 

Enlightened Side

Working and acting from heart acceptance while establishing good boundaries that don’t enable others.

Inclusivity

Doing personal work to be balanced

Compassion and kindness

Empowering others, releasing control

Transparency and directness

Honesty, integrity in all things

Openness, direct communication

Ownership of personal responsibility
Direct communication and honesty

Clearing one’s own insecurities

Examining motives for refusal to forgive

Building own self-esteem

Manifesting what you need and want yourself

Open-hearted love

Dealing with addictions and self abuse

Trusting the Universe and giving freely

Seeing oneself as part of the whole

These contrasting options are always available to us, but many of us are still making decisions out of old habit energy or societal or family programming.  We get to choose in every circumstance and in every decision, who we will actually become.

People ask, “How do we become enlightened?” It’s not in a book or in a movie. Neither is it something the guru on a mountain top can give you. The answer is sitting in the gap, in your next decision.  Every time you make a decision that opts for healing, truth, love and unity, you have emotionally, physically and spiritually bumped the vibration of your energy up a notch. Your body, mind and spirit hold that enlightened energy, it becomes accumulative and little by little, step by step you become your best self, your enlightened self. It’s pretty powerful to know that you really are creating your own reality with every choice.

In 1982 when I first began teaching about energy and consciousness, my kids used to introduce me as,  “That weird lady who teaches people to use something they can’t even see.” Today this paradigm or truth about how energy works is common knowledge. It’s on Oprah, in best selling books, and studied in great institutes and scientific labs. There is no longer any doubt. The consciousness community, the scientific community and now the world community all agree that every decision we make creates our reality. What will yours be?

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

The Pause That Refreshes

Life is such a miracle and yet much of the time we are missing it. We get caught up in our underwear over silliness and drama and miss the magic. We worry about the mundane and meaningless, all things we can’t take with us. We worry about things we can’t change, and we tend to forget that at any moment in a flash of sudden reality life can change drastically. Only when it does change, do we catch our breath and feel the depth of what life really has to offer us. Only then can we feel the importance of every moment.

It’s easy today to forget what really matters. Life is full of challenge and uneasiness. But, what was the real reason you came here and who are you…really? Are you living out that purpose and embracing your gift of this life as if every day mattered?

Do you stop to appreciate the sunset, the smile on the face of your beloved, the next breath you take unconsciously without effort? You are still here to reach out and touch the cheeks of your children, your parents or your partner. We can become paralyzed if, for even a moment, we think that we, or any of these people, might be gone, and yet we don’t embrace them or the gifts they bring to our lives until catastrophe strikes.

You can’t express appreciation for your life unless you are willing to be totally immersed in it, in your relationships and your purpose. The only way to appreciate life is to live it, fully. Most of us are still holding back until the right job, the right partner or the right whatever comes along.

Every choice we make either fills our life with chaos and drama or beauty and awe. An old mentor of mine once told me, “You get to design your life. If you see trouble coming through the door, shut it!” We are so powerful and yet we have not yet grasped the understanding that every decision we make has a consequence. No punishment. No reward, just a consequence.

The struggles in our life are here to teach us something about who we are and what we really believe. Each challenge has it’s own set of lessons and how you respond to life and every circumstance in it is all, and only, about you. Every feeling that arises…is about you. Every judgment that you hear inside…is about you. Every ounce of contempt and every ounce of appreciation is… all about you. Even the resistance is about you.

The key to enlightenment is in the pause before that next thought, word or action you take. It is in your next thoughtful or conscious response. When you take a minute, amidst all the rushing to decide how you wish to respond to life, the energy shifts and you become the master creating life the way you want it to be. You chose what deeply matters. You choose what feels aligned with your values, ethics or spirit. You choose. Instead of being cornered by life, you become empowered by the process. Fascinated with it. You fall in love with life again.

When you are awake, life calls you out. It asks you for authenticity and courage. With each step you take, the vastness increases and the potential, your potential, comes alive. As Ranier Maria Rilke says, “ Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms or books that are written in a foreign tongue. The point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live your way into the answers. “

Life unfolds before us, and in each moment we face ourselves and we face each other. Over and over again, life presents us with the next new opportunity. And, it’s all in that pause. It’s in that precious moment before we speak or act. It is there that we get to decide whether we will become who we know we truly are, or who we are being in the moment. Here it comes again. Feel it?

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

It’s Getting Hot

Things are heating up, and I don’t mean only in Arizona. Things are heating up in nearly every relationship, every school, every business deal, every corporation and in every religion. They are heating up because we are being pushed to the brink with issues of character, morality, civility and honor. We are all being asked on some conscious level to begin an authentic exploration of who we are through honest, willing and truthful evaluation of our own souls. You can no longer be one person with one face in this place and another person with another face in that place. The dissonance is creating disease in our bodies and in our minds. More people are on anti-depressants than ever and more diseases are manifesting than we can keep up with. Nothing less than an authentic – no cheating allowed – alignment with the best of who we are even feels good anymore.

We are being asked to nurture a new kind of wisdom, an intuitive wisdom rather than a materialistic one. Each day, nearly with every breath, in some circumstance or opportunity we have a chance to choose who we shall be. Shall I be the person who walks out of the grocery store having been given too much change and not mention it? Or shall I go back and correct the error? Shall I be the person who sees a homeless person at the edge of a freeway off ramp and thinks …Oh too bad I can’t give him anything, I only have $20’s, or shall I be the person who is grateful to have a $20 to give?

Shall I be the person who will withhold forgiveness so that I don’t have to take personal responsibility for my own decisions? Shall I stay in the power position by acting as if I didn’t participate in some way? Or, shall I move quickly into a forgiving release so as to heal my own energy and let it go? Shall I be a person who cheats so that I can have a moment of adoration and quasi-good feeling or shall I be more invested in the long-term quality of my own character? Shall I treat those who work for me as if they were of lesser value or shall I treat people as equals no matter what language they speak, no matter what color their skin or what their position in life?

It’s getting hot because we can’t lie to ourselves any more. It’s getting hot because those old excuses about why we do the things we do, don’t cut it anymore. It’s getting hot because somebody finally spoke the truth that no one ever makes us do anything we don’t, at some level, want to do. The cat’s out of the bag and we all know the truth – the only person who has ever really been in charge of our lives is us!

Women have to admit that it wasn’t men who never gave us equality, it was that we never gave it to ourselves. Men have to admit that it wasn’t women who taught them to choose materialism or power over compassion. They made those choices themselves. We are starting to see that no one else made us pollute the planet, create more war and terrorism than has ever existed in history or poison ourselves with synthetic or toxic food. We decided to do that – or at the very least each one of us decided we’d allow it to be done. The game is over and guess who could be losing?

So what do we do? We take an honest inventory of who we are at a core level and we start being that person instead of the person led by survival needs and ego. We start examining the things in our life that really have meaning and we give energy only to those things. Fosdick says, “If you want to know what you believe in, look in your checkbook.” I will add and in your date book. Whatever you are giving money and energy to is what you believe in.

We have to be willing to notice when we are about to take a step or an action that doesn’t feel right inside and stop immediately and change what we are about to do to something that feels more aligned with the truth of who we say we are.

We have to start prioritize and spirituality – whatever you believe that to be for yourself or whatever form that takes for you – needs to be at the top of that list. Believe it or not Fortune 500 Magazine recently did an issue that revealed even the top management in these companies has now begun to meditate and center before making huge business decisions. When we are not connected to ourselves and our real feelings, we act out of fear. We distance, control, intimidate, interrogate and over power. On the other hand if we are connected to ourselves and realize that our feelings are never bigger than we are, we act out of path and destiny instead of pathology and fear. We can stop being a nation of wild children acting out at any cost to get our needs met.

Can you and I make a commitment to stop acting like we don’t know what the right thing to do is? The bottom line is we do know. We have just not been doing it and the good news is – there is still time and a great deal of joy waiting for us the moment we stop lying to ourselves. Getting authentic and acting with integrity with yourself is a tremendously joyful gift that you get to have this time around. All it takes is a simple decision about what matters most to you. So, what does?

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Wake Up!

I am people watcher. I admit it. The people I find most interesting to watch are those whose breathing slows down, and grace begins to glaze across their eyes and knowing arrives from some place pulled forward from the past when we talk about becoming enlightened. Now, I don’t doubt for a moment that we all want to be awake, but that ego of ours whose job it is to help us survive with power, position and perfect presentation all in tact, works overtime. I think we all know on some level that there is a better way to live – a higher level of happiness and contentment to be had. But how in the world do we get there?

Spiritual awakening is about a journey – a journey to enlightenment. The journey itself, not the end result, is the transformational part. Every step along the way tends to reveal a new part of oneself that can be celebrated and that reunion with the truth of who we are results in enlightenment. Enlightenment is not about sitting on a mountain some where Om-ing, although one could certainly get there by doing so. Rather, enlightenment today is about living the truth you know to whatever degree that you know it.

In order to become enlightened one must first have the intention or desire to wake up. That requires a certain level of fearlessness. You must want to be free more than you want anything else like recognition, money, adoration or security. You must want it more than you want or love any one else as well. You must want it more than you want your momentary needs to be filled. You must want it more than you want to be protected from your fears or the truth about yourself. No doubt all that sounds a bit drastic until you understand that until you want enlightenment more than anything else – everything else – most of which is based in fear – still has a greater hold on you. The moment you want enlightenment most, you can then have everything else but you will never compromise your character to get those things. That act of compromising the truth of who we are is exactly what keeps us from becoming enlightened. In the past we have wanted to look good, have great material wealth, be powerful and be in control more than we have wanted to wake up.

You must also be willing to take personal responsibility. You must be willing to understand that you are living today exactly what you believed yesterday and tomorrow you will be living whatever you choose to believe today. You are doing this minute, exactly what you most want and have chosen to do. That means you stop pretending to be a victim to your past or the future and you start making different choices. You can legitimately be a victim when you are a child. Once you become an adult, every choice you make creates a consequence. That consequence in turn ultimately creates your reality which eventually creates your destiny. The moment you are willing to stop all unconscious behavior, you have opened the door to enlightenment and freedom simply by taking your own power and making new choices.

To become enlightened you must stop running from your fears as if they had more power than you do. The minute you turn around and face your fears, you have made the conscious statement that you are bigger than they are and the energy they carry is instantly diminished. Once you learn to avoid nothing and face everything, you find the fastest way out of the fear is right through the middle of it. There is nothing from your past that you have not already survived – so now you are simply cleaning up the emotions from those events so that you can get to the understanding and lesson. When we face our wrong choices, we can begin to make right ones. When we admit our mistakes we can make fewer of them. Facing your fears gives you the exquisite experience of finding out that you are deserving of self-respect after all.

Another important step is to stop taking everything so personally. Believe it or not, 90% of any response anyone else has about you is about them and it comes directly from that person’s own set of life experience and individual references. Your own ego may tell you that everyone is focused on you, but the truth is, most people are pretty overwhelmed with their own set of challenges. This baby boomer plague of thinking it’s all about us needs to come to a screeching halt. As Terry Cole-Whitiker once said, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Don’t sweat it.

If you want to be enlightened, commit to your own growth and make a difference in the world – sometimes anonymously, sometimes not. Find a support group of people, maybe in addition to, or out of, your 12-step groups. Pick people who can help you stay on the path and commit to keeping each other awake. Form a couples group or a singles group and talk about how to stay in your integrity and remain awake with each other. Talk about transformation. Come out of the spiritual closet. Get the information you need to know in order to integrate new principles and ideas. Stop regurgitating the old stuff, and venture into some new concepts as well. Be willing to bump up in your awareness and integrate new levels of energy and understanding.

Be spiritually generous. Be willing to give when no one is looking and with reward. Be willing to sacrifice for another without voicing it. Be humble when you could be loud.

And finally – Be Joyful. Look for the people who make you laugh and can laugh at themselves. Look for activities that lighten your heart and take time to see the beauty in the world. In other words, lighten up. This is not a somber process. It is one that lifts you off the earth and gives your heart wings.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Go Kill The Chicken

Ram Dass (formally Richard Alpert) tells the Sikh story of the Holy person who gave each of two of his disciples a chicken and said ” Go kill the chicken where no one can see.” One of the students went behind a fence and killed the chicken. The other walked around for many days and then came back to the teacher with his chicken still in hand. The Holy one said, ” You didn’t kill the chicken!” To which the student replied, “Well Master, everywhere I go, the chicken sees!” The point, for those of you wondering what chickens have to do with relationships, is that there are also unlimited opportunities for creating joy in relationships when we are conscious and willing to see them.

Most of us sleepwalk through life and our relationships. Somewhere about the third year benchmark we begin to take our partners for granted. The romance diminishes and is replaced with unconscious beliefs like, “ Well I work hard and come home every night don’t I.” Or, “My partner knows I love her. I don’t have to keep saying it” We stop speaking about the times we glance across the room and instantly notice all the reasons, once again, we fell in love in the first place. We stop laughing and spending sacred time, free of life’s demands, together. We assume we know everything there is to know about our partner and life slowly slips into status quo. That’s a dead place and the beginning of the death process for a relationship.

A lack of joy in relationship comes from a lack of aliveness and that is from a lack of connection to ourselves or each other. In some sense, one or both people in the relationship make conscious or unconscious decisions to maintain the status quo or keep things superficial. When you are conscious, there is always another, deeper level to which you can go and going there brings back aliveness and joy. Frankly, you could keep right on going into growth and deeper connecting until you both leave the planet, without a moment’s boredom. What are your partner’s dreams, hopes, fears, and visions for the future? What makes your partner feel safe, afraid, powerful, or powerless? What is your partner’s purpose and soul work? What dreams has your partner given up that he or she needs to go back and retrieve and revive?

Most of us really want an authentic and profoundly present relationship in our life. However, there aren’t many of us who have ever experienced that kind of connection, even from our parents. This means we are charting new territory. It feels safer to get to familiar levels of intimacy and then put the process on cruise control because going deeper may feel unfamiliar and frightening. Other reasons why we make contracts to avoid going deeper are usually based in fear. For instance, you may fear that going deeper will result in change and change could result in abandonment. Perhaps, you feel ill equipped to deal with your intense feelings or those of your partner. You may fear hearing your partner’s real feelings because you are worried that those feelings will reflect negatively upon you or something you are doing. Or, you may not be sure how to get out of the painful dynamics of control, manipulation, or shaming that get triggered when issues become heavy.

The first step in bringing the joy back into your relationship is to open the communication back up and begin talking to each other about your real feelings. There is a wonderful communication exercise you can download from my site that will assist you in this process.

If you commit to the process, you will find you are able to go more deeply into feelings each week. The result? More joy and a renewed feeling of closeness, and by the way, better love making. One gentle reminder! Be willing to laugh at yourself and the ways you each take yourselves out of the process. We have all invested great amounts of time and energy learning to stay safe and protected. Peeling the layers of protection off, if done without blame, can be amusing and exciting. Go for it. It’s a New Year and a new beginning.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Who’s Hiding the Enlightenment?

They make is sound so easy. Just be here now, they say. You know who they are. They wear orange robes or walk around with glassy eyes and look as if no one is home inside. Nothing phases them. They can wrap their bodies up in knots or sit at the top of mountains looking at nothing for eons. People who seem to have found the magic key to enlightenment talk like it fell into their laps! Well, it doesn’t. Getting enlightened is damn hard work.

Enlightenment can be rude. There’s nothing easy about getting slapped in the face with your own denial. It’s not always comfortable to see how great you are at justifications, explanations and the myriad of excuses you use. It’s not always fun to clean up some mess made out of your own unconsciousness and it can be the pits to dance around in that vast territory called the unknown. There’s nothing more frightening than achieving real intimacy and it’s enough to shake your world to meet someone elses soul face to face. So why bother? Because once you get on the path, nothing less than lightening bolt growth, ecstatic joy and profound connection that will ever satisfy you again. Naturally they don’t tell you that, or perhaps they do and we’re just not listening.

Here’s the problem. You don’t get enlightenment, you live it. It’s a call to awaken and you do that through a deep participation with your own life. You wake up to a need or desire to start living life right – whatever right may be to you. You begin to understand the importance of living in alignment with your own sense of integrity, truth and wisdom. You stop lying to yourself and pretending that you don’t know what to do or how to be honest and ethical in your own world. As you let go of your claim to ignorance, the searing truth begins to pierce your denial. And the degree to which you are willing to let go of the drama, chaos and temporary fixes that appear to assuage your frustration about your survival – is the same degree to which enlightenment arrives. In other words you have to let go of the small survival stuff to get to the big spiritual stuff. Most of us are not willing to do that. More of us each day, however, are finding that fighting for all that small stuff is less and less gratifying. We have discovered more substance, cars, money, sex, partners and food, do not a filled up, joyful soul make. There must be something more. There is. It’s enlightenment.

The Sufi’s say that it is with your first step that you have already arrived. So what’s the first step? Begin to take every experience in your life and translate it into your personal classroom. Wake up to the experience you are having in each moment. Why am I afraid about money – what part of myself don’t I trust? Why am I jealous – what part of me feel as if I am not enough? Why am I holding on to the steering wheel as if it could fly out of my hands – what tension am I holding in my body? Why did my heart just close down to this person? Why am I playing sexual games with a person I really don’t want a relationship with? What terrifies me about intimacy – and from whom did I learn to fear it? What scares me most about growing spiritually or emotionally? Are these fears still valid for me today?

When the answers start to bubble up, don’t judge them or chastise yourself. You can do this work in your own mind so no one else has to know, nor is anyone able to judge you. Just have compassion for yourself and get to the core. Ask again and again, What’s under that, and what’s under that, and what’s under that – until you get to the core issue inside. Once you get there, your body will relax and you will know you have hit the truth of it. When you understand a belief you hold inside that prevents you from being the truth of who you are, chances are you can let that belief go. It releases it’s hold on you.

Okay so here is this months lightening bolt to the head. Who are you and what are you here for if not to do this work? Is there anything more satisfying in your life than finding yourself and living in the integrity of that discovery? Maybe that is why the fire rages in so many of us. Enlightenment is not really hiding. It’s just under all that other stuff you don’t need anymore.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

How Big is Your Circle?

Some of us live in a circle the size of a pinpoint. The only person we talk to is our partner, child or one best friend. The only people we see are those who fit into specific categories i.e. recovering, women, men, teenagers, light, dark, evolving, intellectual, gay, straight. We limit the number of connections in our life as if there was great danger lurking just beyond the parameter of our shrinking world. Some people avoid new thoughts, new tools, new ideas and new people as if they carried a life-threatening virus. The smaller your world, the less safety you feel. Safety is never about our outside world – it is always about our inside world.

The specialists tell us that we begin to die when we stop learning. So why are we so afraid to be the adventurous souls we were born to be? I’d have to change. I’d be different than my whole family. I wouldn’t know what to do about new information. My wife, husband or partner might not grow with me. I’d have to look at stuff I don’t like in myself. Others might leave me.

OK, so let me get this straight. Here you are ready to begin your next life after having left this one and as you, start to design your new adventure you look back and, realize Jeez the reason I never really lived my last life was a lack of belief in myself. Ouch! That’s right. The only reason we hold life back is that we don’t trust ourselves to deal with the information or experiences we discover.

Ever think any of the following? (You fill in the blanks.) You can’t trust______. ________is bad for you. People who _____ are bad. The belief of _____is dangerous. Never go near ________. You will burn in hell if you ___________. You have been victimized by___________. You’re not powerful because__________. You’re not beautiful because______. Certain things like ________ are not good for you. Certain activities like _________are not good for you. Certain people like ________ hate you. People look at you funny because_______.I have to do certain things because___________. Life has to be hard because____________. We’re in a recession because _________says so. I can’t find a job because_________. Get the point?

Are these actual truths or are these your truths? And, if they are just your truths, does your life look the way it looks simply because that’s how you believe it must be? Hmm, maybe life is responding to exactly what you say you want and believe. I wonder what could happen if you believed that you could have anything you wanted or could be anyone you wanted to be? What if YOU were the person who created everything you were in fear of, everything you were in lack of and every limitation in your own life? What if life was not doing it to you – but rather you were consciously or unconsciously doing life exactly as you believe it to be?

Scientists are now telling us that is exactly how life works. We adopt a belief and life responds. It’s all about the electromagnetic quality of energy, the morphic resonance of life. In other words, every thought and action creates a chain reaction that calls to itself the exact energy needed to manifest exactly what you say you believe, to the same degree you believe it. So, the bottom line is …you are living today what you believed yesterday. You will be living tomorrow what you CHOOSE to believe today. Man, are you powerful!

So consider the possibility of living deliberately. How about becoming the creative source for your own life? Whoa. You mean create life exactly how you want it? Yep. That’s what I mean. Scientists tell us directed energy is 72% effective. That means when you direct your energy and attention to an outcome, 72% of the time scientists can prove it effective. So, tell me what would your life look like right now if you could improve it by 72%. Frankly, I think directed thought is 100% effective but they just haven’t proven it yet.

Are you are tired of living like a victim? Do you make a decision and then whittle it away with doubt? Are you tired of feeling like the Universe bounces you around to the worst possible outcomes? Are you tired of being alone, broke and feed up? Ok, then change your mind about how life looks and take the control back. Yes, I hear those of you who are saying this is just too simple to be true. Well are not the most profound truths the simple ones? Life doesn’t have to be that complicated. Start with one little belief and try it for your self. Come on, push that circle out a bit and prove it for yourself. There is a whole world waiting for you and it’s delicious.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Is this All There Is?

Sometimes when the night is still, a wee voice inside who once believed that the Universe or God was a trickster, whispers, What if there is only this? A question I asked very often in the midst of my childhood, beer can filled life? My in-breath catches. With a longer sigh, I wonder what would I do differently? Would I be less concerned about my “waking up”? Would I be more satisfied to sit with those who refuse to spiritually dive deeper than a dime?

Would I fill my mind with chatter of acquisitions, TV shows or other people’s shortcomings? Would I plan indiscretions? Would I become a thief, a scoundrel or rogue? Would I be invested in controlling the behavior or the path of others? Probably not. Clearly none of that would feel good or satisfy me. It would not move me toward love in any way. But, might I slow down to watch a sunset, steal a kiss or go dancing? Would I share every longing, vision and breath of my beloved? Would I take the time to pause and be more tender, more understanding in the face of human frailty? Would I stop in awe more times to honor daring and bravery? Would I take longer to swallow Cadbury Carmello? Hmmm.

Why should I do the right thing? She didn’t. Why should I take the first step? He didn’t? Why should I have an open heart? They don’t. Why should I be peaceful? No one else is? Why should I be the one who creates more love in this relationship? She doesn’t. Because your journey on this planet is not about anyone else. It’s about you!

Too often, we feel that if we move to the open hearted, soft belly, receptive mind, it is the same as whimping out, giving up or giving in. We might even think that standing in our own integrity means condoning the bad behavior of the other person. It’s does not mean that. It’s about taking personal responsibility and being accountable for the quality of your own life and the state of your own soul. What anyone else does with his or her life is not our business.

Taking the higher road is an act of love for oneself. It results in a greater level of self-esteem and more trust. It says to the kid inside I have the ability to stand up on our side. You are safe with me. Acting out of integrity or our own inner wisdom give us a personal sense of being more aligned with the truth of who we are and therefore a feeling of greater power in the world. How many times have you walked away from a situation or a person and thought I wish I had done that better. I know how I should and wanted to respond but I didn’t. I am disappointed in myself.

There is a golden thread that is at the very foundation of our effort to bring the planet, our lives and relationships into alignment. That most important ingredient is our personal integrity. Integrity allows us to connect deeper, move into intimacy with each other and honor each person’s uniqueness. Without a personal level of integrity, a willingness to examine our own motives, we can’t grow. Instead we stand around blaming, shaming, controlling or projecting onto others all of our own unhealed issues.

The new consciousness being birthed on the planet puts our personal integrity at the very core of this birthing process. We can’t wait for the next guy to go first. We can’t wait for the next person to stop the fighting. We can’t wait until someone else stops the name-calling or the abuse. These things must be stopped in each of us or they will never be stopped in the world. Once you awaken to this reality there is no way to be bored or find yourself asking Is this all there is. If you are connected to yourself and life, this is a never-ending exercise in becoming. Every day and every person you meet presents a new opportunity for YOU to become your highest and best self. Get connected to your process. Get connected to your life. Get connected to your loved ones. Get in the game. The stakes are getting higher. So are the rewards.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

One at a Time

I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions; they feel like a set up to me. It feels a bit like pop-psychology. Just pretend you have done all the work you need to do to break those limiting behaviors and just jump to the other side of the bridge. If you really didn’t do the work, it is not surprising that without too much ado or too much time having passed, we are back at the same old nasty habits. So I set goals.

As time passes, the goals seem to be changing in nature. They are harder to set because there is less that I want. They have become more personal in focus because the material has become less important and somehow my goals each year have evolved into a kind of in-my-face, reflection of my values in life and how they are changing.

I grew up in the middle of the Yuma desert, in an Army trailer smaller than my current bedroom. Five people, my Mom and Dad and a sister and brother, lived in that tiny space, not knowing where our next meal was coming from. I left home at thirteen, raised four kids by myself and fought my way through the feminist movement while also fighting the ingrained belief that life had to be hard. So, when I was younger my goal projections were filled with entries about survival. Start a savings account. Buy a new car. Increase your income and become financially secure. Later, they became about learning, a luxury I had little time for previously. Get your degree. Sit for and pass the MFCC exam. Learn to write a book. Take seminars and classes. Then my goals took on a more personal note. Start to meditate more. Create a spiritual support group. Find a life-mate – okay so that one has taken a while. Loose weight. Define your spiritual practice. And this year, for the first time, I find that I am sitting here with an empty sheet glaring at me for the past several days from the corner of my desk, wondering where do I go from here? I have fasted longer than Gandhi, learned to love with a whole heart, stood in the truth of what I believe and had ecstatic moments in the face of God. What could possible be left?

It seems, as I grow older my focus becomes less outward and the goals take on a more intimate perspective. They have a more emotional hue and require reflection on what there is in life that really fulfills me. The most profound moments for me are those that contain deep connection to others and myself. I remember a story in Chicken Soup for the Soul, by Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen in which they describe a friend who was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked he spotted a local native who kept leaning down and picking up something and throwing it into the ocean. As he approached closer to the native he saw the man was picking up star fish that had been washed up onto the beach, and one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water.

“If I don’t throw them back into the water, they’ll die up here from lack of oxygen,” he said.

“I understand,” the friend said, “but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can’t possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many. And don’t you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches up and down the coast. Can’t you see that you can’t possibly make a difference?”

The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “Made a difference to that one.”

Perhaps at this time in my life it all boils down to something very simple. The most profound truths for me are always the most simple. No more lofty, grandiose goals. No more material accumulations. Just simply the one and only thing that gives me joy and creates the ecstasy. Finally that damn sheet can come off the corner of my desk! On it I will write, “During each day with some person that I meet, I will make a difference, one at a time.”

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.