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The Fearful Splendid Thing of It

There is a huge number of us are looking for it. Many of those who have it often take it for granted, ignore it or complain that it isn’t coming in the way we expected. We spend billions of dollars trying to look good enough to keep it. So then, if love is this many splendored thing …why are we so afraid of it?

Don’t go too far. Don’t say too much. Don’t feel that deeply. Maybe it’s not love we don’t trust. Maybe it’s not even the other person we don’t trust. Maybe it’s US we don’t trust when it comes to love. We don’t trust ourselves to be ok if we see an ounce of disapproval in the eyes of our beloved because that might mean there is something wrong with us. We don’t trust ourselves to be ok if we get abandoned because we don’t believe that we are worthy of finding someone else. We don’t trust that the feelings won’t kill us. We don’t trust that our partners could really love us in the first place because we, ourselves, do not believe that we are lovable. It’s a big mess. Or not.

Love is like setting this gigantic table filled with exotic fruits and flowers and arranging it with incredible, delicate care and tenderness and then offering it to the person you love. If they are allergic to fruit does that really change the value of your gift in any way? And, wasn’t it simply your task in life to learn how to care that much and have the guts to offer your love without holding back on any level? The exercise, for those of us who choose to accept it, is to become the love we seek and not give a damn about how it is received. Love gives us the chance to lose ourselves so we can find ourselves. The good news is that the majority of the time, if you are loving with a whole heart, no one in their right mind would leave such a gift because that kind of genuine devotion is so rare. But instead we hold back.

Allowing yourself to fall madly, deeply in love opens your heart to the whole mystery of life. It introduces you to the connective stuff in the universe and reminds you that there is no such thing as separation. It tests your ability to tell the truth. It makes you look at your addiction to sameness. It allows you to uncover the places you feel unsure about yourself and go to work on them. It gives you the thrill of looking across the room and filling up with ecstasy and adoration for a person who is willing to show you his or her soul. It tests your ability to remain committed. It pushes your level of presence and delivers everything it promises and more. Love gives you an inside peek at who you really are because when you fall in love you are experiencing your own spirit, your own profound ability to become love.

Since I was a child, I have longed for love. I knew that it existed, even though it took a detour when scheduled to arrive at my home. As I became more aware, I knew that loved entered into the center of sacred connections where truth lived. I knew that love created mystery, magic, music and enchantment. I knew that love made anything – everything – sacred. I knew that love turned words into prayers, anger into forgiveness and fear into courage. I knew that love from, or with, anyone stopped the agony of longing and not yet finding. I knew that love was not need, control or ownership. I knew that love was openness, acceptance and compassion. I knew that love was a celebration, a reunion with the Divine. I knew that love heals, renews, inspires and empowers us to act with courage and character. I knew that falling in love was an act of the soul and staying in love was an act of Spirit. I knew that love had less to do with desire and more to do with holiness, reverence, comfort and grace.

But, until I was a woman of age, I didn’t know that love was all there is – and everything else is an illusion based on fear. I didn’t know that in order to have love – all I had to do was be it. Now you know it too and it’s your turn.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

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