uealse Feelings - Dr. Dina Evan's Columns

Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category

Finding Your Voice

So your partner comes home, you have been feeling lonely and upset that he’s been out, and as he walks through the door you say with a jab, ”So glad you could find some time away from your friends to finally come home and be with me!” And that’s where it starts. Your partner gets defensive and before you know it you are each in different corners feeling wounded and confused about what just happened.

When we lose our authentic voice in relationships, we often create a communication dynamic that is destined to end up in an adversarial feeling of either disconnection or betrayal. Take a look. (Some examples from Daniel B Wile, Ph.D. Collaborative Couple Therapy)

Choice
Example
Result
Attack
Makes Partner An Enemy
“Why do you spend more time with your friends than you spend with me?” Triggers an
adversarial response.
Avoidance
Makes Partner a
Stranger
I’ll say nothing and kill a part of myself emotionally in hope that the feeling will go away. If enough of you leaves emotionally, eventually you’ll leave too.
Intimidate/ Interrogate
Makes Partner Victim or a Victimizer
“I may as well leave since the only people you talk to are your friends.” “You better start talking to me or I’ll find someone else to talk to.” Creates a fear dynamic and creates a lack of safety.
Compliance
Makes partner invalid or non-existent
“ Have it your way, spend all your time with your friends.” You check out and the relationship dies.

There is a better way. Use your authentic voice and say what you mean.

When You Find Your Voice and Use It:

Choice
Example
Result
Confide
Makes your partner an ally or friend.
“I hate to admit it but I miss you and I am a jealous of all the time you are spending with your friends.” Creates empathy and understanding Creates intimacy and compassion.

Many of us are afraid to be vulnerable in relationships because we have been taught that vulnerability is a bad thing that makes us weak and puts us at risk. Actually, just the opposite is true. Standing vulnerably in your truth is a great place of power and takes immense courage. Relationships that are not built on truth don’t have a chance. If you are courageous enough to tell me your true feelings in an authentic way, the end result for me is greater respect for you and a feeling of increased trust is us as a couple. Being vulnerable in a relationship is a way of saying, I trust you with my innermost feelings. If you don’t feel you can do that with your partner, then it’s time to work on issues of trust in the relationship and find out what is creating the lack of safety.

Some of the things that create a lack of safety are:

• The absence of clear boundaries about what can be shard or not shared out side of the relationship.

• Couples who have used intimate exchanges later as ammunition in an argument.

• Unclear contracts about where we are in our relationship or commitment.

• A lack of communication.

Saying what you mean does not guarantee that you always get what you want. What it does guarantee is deeper intimacy and greater depth to your connection with each other because there is honesty.

Pleeeeze don’t use the lame excuse that you are not telling the truth simply because you don’t want to hurt the other person. People who say that are really saying they don’t want to deal with the fall out that telling the truth will create. If you know there is going to be fall out, you are either lying to cover your own butt, or in essence, saying that you don’t respect your partner enough to tell him or her the truth. Step up and be honest. The truth may not always be comfortable, but is it ALWAYS HEALING. And if this person in your life is deserving of your love, they are also deserving of the truth. Give it as a gift, no with a sledge hammer, but with love and compassion – but give it.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Don’t Worry – Get Happy!

Yeah, right! We are on the brink of war with Iraq, We have a President whose I.Q. we can’t even find and we are screwing up the planet! Let’s all party, get happy and live it up!

Do we really even know what happiness is or how to achieve it?  Maybe it has more to do with our perception and perspective than George Bush and our bank account. The Dalai Lama says, ”The purpose of life is to be happy.” Yet, as Mark Epstein says, “We seem to have a love hate relationship with happiness. On one hand, we see it as our right and something we need to pursue above all else, and on the other hand, we denigrate those in pursuit of it, labeling them frivolous, shallow, superficial or not responsible. “

Until now we have dealt with happiness by way of addition and subtraction; subtract poverty by adding money, subtract loneliness by adding a partner, subtract depression by adding a pill…and the majority of us have still not created lasting happiness with all these pursuits.

Maybe happiness, as well as unhappiness is an inside job. Is happiness really about getting rid of the things, the feelings or the people who make us unhappy?  Or, is it about the sense of equilibrium that the masters talk about of walking in balance holding both ends of the continuum, the joy and the sadness of life, without being attached to either.  We are so busy fighting the challenges and hard feelings that we are missing all the good things in life.

In my belief system there are always opposites; what I perceive as good vs. unpleasant, joyful or sad, close or distant, and when there is an up, I know there will inevitably be a down. It’s all about how I choose to deal with it.  It’s all about two sides of the same coin.

Most of us just want the high. A high profile client of mine in the movie industry exemplifies this dilemma. After a great day on the set, she wants a gourmet meal and to be taken care of by her husband. After a great meal, she will want a cigarette.  After a cigarette, some on-line shopping and emails to friends is in order. Then she’ll want to make love. She’s never really happy in the moment, just being with herself or being herself.  Instead, she’s constantly manipulating her external world in order to get satisfied. Nothing is ever enough. Nothing makes her happy. Some of us go from one relationship to another, one addiction to another, one job to another or one place to another…always seeking the same thing, happiness.

Happiness is already here, inside of you.  It lies in simple acceptance – acceptance of ourselves, acceptance of our paths and challenges in life and acceptance of others. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive for the best possible life, but we also need to remember that is not about avoiding the challenges in life because they are unavoidable. It’s about how we choose to deal with them.

It is all about how we view the world and the events in our lives. It’s about our perspective.  Everything just is what it is…life happening – no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives or bad luck, just life happening.  When the stock market takes a dump, no one was out to get you.  When the person you’re dating finds she’s not interested, it’s not about you being unlovable. When the company has a big lay-off, you didn’t do anything wrong. When some guy rear-ends you, you’re not having bad luck. It’s all just life happening.

Happiness is about being able to tolerate the down sides of life, and knowing the next wave will be an up one.  Stop, what you are doing right now. Take a breath. Listen to the birds, or the traffic or the sprinkler outside. It’s an absolute miracle that you are here, alive, and able to participate fully in your own live. Happiness arrives when you are fully present and aligned with yourself. When you are not happy and can’t find anything for which to be thankful, it is you who is at fault, not life. Happiness is a choice. See what happens when you choose it.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Make Me Happy!

I have spent some time lately thinking about what really makes me happy. When I was younger, I used to think having a mom who wasn’t an alcoholic would have made me happy. But now that I am older, I see that she was really a master teacher in my life who taught me the value of love. Had she been standing around loving me, perhaps I would not have learned to love myself.

As I got older, I thought getting married would make me happy. I did that a couple of times. I didn’t have the skills I now have. It didn’t make me happy.

I then spent 14 years in women’s movement thinking if I had equality, I would be happy. After the insurance companies defeated the E.R.A., I decided to give equality to myself and in that same instant; I began to have an inkling of an understanding that nothing and no one “out there” has the ability to make me happy “in here.”

So, I started a spiritual quest. I studied every religion, every teaching and theory I could find, and although each one had a grain or more of the truth, not one made me happy.

I have had ecstatic moments -the kind that astound you. They arrived in the center of an “I love you,” in the center of an orgasm arising out of that love, in the center of an undeniable truth and in the center of every authentic moment. In every case, the ecstasy came from connection. Connection creates happiness.

Happiness comes from connection; connection to oneself and every feeling and thought that you have, connection to every other human being, and finally, connection to the universe or some sense of Spirit, whatever you might believe that to be. It’s about being authentically present to your own life. It’s about accepting the abundance of information and growth available in this lifetime, on this journey. It’s about a willingness to let go of needing any end destination, and instead, simply falling in love with the journey.

Plato once said, “Of all the things which we have, next to the gods, our souls are the most divine and most truly ours.” Here we sit with the most fascinating, joyous, incredible opportunity to push our souls forward and get enlightened and the only prerequisite is that we get connected. Out of the center of that connection comes everything we will ever need to know about ourselves including what we feel and believe, what we fear and avoid, what we are addicted to, what we dream about, what we are here for, our purpose and destiny. It’s an awe-inspiring array of opportunities.

Happiness comes from the little things like taking a moment or two in the car to turn the radio off and listen to your own thoughts. It comes when you stop to feel gratitude and appreciation for the fact that you are taking that next breath, seeing that beautiful sunset or have someone precious sitting across from you. It comes from slowing down and realizing there are other people in your world who care about you. Happiness comes from opening the door to the unfamiliar or new and ecstatic experiences. It comes from realizing that right here, right now, you are still alive and all the choices are still yours. You get to decide what the quality of your own life will be.

Happiness comes from inspiring, liberating, teaching and nurturing others. It comes from giving in some way, without expectation or return. It comes from anonymous acts of kindness and sudden acts of bravery and courage. Happiness comes from living a life with meaning and purpose.

Happiness is about being nude in the rain, barefoot on soft green grass and emotional vulnerable with someone you love.

Clearly, happiness is an inside job. The more closed you remain, the less happiness you will have. In order to experience happiness, you must be willing to take a deep breath and take an abandoned jump into life as if it’s all there is. After all, it is.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Shame On You!

I don’t deserve to be happy! I’ll never find anyone who loves me. I wouldn’t dare expect to succeed because I don’t want to be disappointed. If I expect the worst, I’ll be okay when it gets here. Sound familiar? People who have dealt with substance issues and most folks who are survivors of any kind of abuse including neglect, often feel guilt and shame. This internalized guilt and shame is exactly what creates this self-dialog and , more importantly, ultimately keeps us from creating the lives we want and deserve. It’s important to know that both guilt and shame are feelings that are projected on to you by another person. They are not emotions or feelings that have originated from within you in response to anything you may have done. When you do things that cause pain, you may feel remorse, sadness or grief, but not guilt or shame. Guilt and shame are both responses that others have about us which then get projected on to us. Unconsciously accept them as our own.

People in our lives project guilt or shame for lots of different reasons, most of which are fear based. Perhaps your spouse, who caught you flirting, feels you haven’t suffered enough and therefore have not yet truly changed. Perhaps, a friend still harbors anger and wants you to hurt as much as they feel you hurt them. Maybe someone in your meeting feels you didn’t go through the same trials and tribulations they did for similar kinds of behavior. Whatever the reason, be clear that feelings of shame and guilt are not yours. Whenever anyone projects those thoughts and words on to you, they are consciously or unconsciously doing so to disempower you.

Those of you who are still die hard non-believers about the impact of our words, thoughts and feelings, please do yourself a favor and visit this Internet site:

http://www.wellnessgoods.com/art_wat_messages.html

After seeing for yourself how thoughts and words change the molecular structure of water, perhaps you’ll get the point.

Once you discover the guilt and shame don’t belong to you, then energetically give these projections back to the person doing all the projecting. Set a boundary. Confront the issue with that person. “I get the impression that you don’t feel my response to what has happened is appropriate or sincere. What is that about for you? Are you afraid? Are you angry?”

If you can’t get out of feeling shame or blaming yourself, ask yourself if your motivation or purpose in facing your past behaviors is about self-punishment or healing. If it’s about self-punishment then you need to know you can choose to spend a great deal of time beating yourself up and when you’re finished you will be in exactly the same place from which you began – only you will be more depleted physically, emotionally and spiritually. Self-judgment is the primary emotion that cuts off feelings of spiritual connectedness and it does so instantly. You can’t feel yourself, others, God, The Divine or Universal Energy, however you choose to perceive it, when you are into self-judgment. Instead you feel isolated, hopeless and alone. Some people need to beat themselves up as part of their process. If you choose to do it, set a limit. “I’ll beat myself up for the next two weeks and then I’ll move on.” No, I am not kidding. Having a reasonable limit may be liberating and is certainly more just. Beating yourself up consciously is better than doing it unconsciously because you can set a fair limit to the behavior.

On the other hand, if your personal examination is about healing, then your first step is to be willing to feel the grief, sadness or remorse about your actions and let it go. That process naturally creates resolve. Use the breath, or tears, journaling, therapy or any other means to release the feelings as you breathe them out. Most of us have a tendency to stop breathing when intense feeling surfaces.

Third step is to get clear on exactly what it is that you are responsible for. No, you are not responsible for the fact that for x-number of years your partner was miserable. Even in the worst of relationships where one person is acting out in extremely destructive ways, the other person votes to stay in that destructive relationship. Why your partner, friend or family member stayed, or why they did not leave, is a question for them to work on in their personal process or in their therapy. It’s not your issue.

We are individually responsible for the quality of our own lives and the decisions we make to enhance or diminish that quality. I can already hear all the “Yes Buts” in the letters I’ll get on this issue. “Yes, but I’m the one who threw up all over the car!” Who chose to go pick you up? “Yes, but I said terrible things.” Who chose to stay and listen? In any situation where two people are relating, even in destructive ways, it’s always a fifty-fifty proposition. You get to have your part of the responsibility, but not all of it.

Letting others have their part of the responsibility doesn’t get you off the hook. You still have to do the 10th step of making amends, but what does that mean exactly? Does making amends mean that you should keep beating yourself up in your process of apologizing? No! It means you own your behavior, you remain present and willing to listen to the pain it caused, and you sincerely apologize for your part in creating that pain. You can also, if it feels appropriate, talk about the steps you are taking to heal and what you hope for, if anything, in the form of a relationship with this person in the future. You can’t change anything that happened in the past. That’s how the universe works. If we get the lessons life offers us and go on, the past gets healed. If we don’t, we repeat the patterns and the pain and continue to do so until we finally get the lesson.

Let’s use an example of a child who runs into the street repeatedly after being told not to do so. The first couple of times mom scolds the child. Then, if the child still wont listen mom spanks the child. One day as the child begins to run into the street; suddenly the child sees a truck run over his or her toy wagon. The child, as she is standing in the street, finally understands why mom has been saying, “Don’t run into the street.” Would Mom still have to spank that child? No, once the lesson. has been learned there is no benefit to punishment. That is also true for you. Once the life lesson has been learned there is no need to continue punishing your self.

If you find yourself obsessing about the things you did in the past, you are probably doing so to unconsciously avoid feeling the real feelings underneath all that obsessing. Obsessive behavior is a defense mechanism we use to avoid feeling the underlying fear, anger or pain about an issue.

To get your power back and come fully into the healing process, use these four steps. (1) Stop judging yourself or others. Allow yourself to be a human being who is courageous enough to be dealing with life’s most difficult lessons. (2) Stop Blaming, yourself or others. Understand that everything, even that which is painful, is spiritually correct and part of our learning process. (3) Don’t go future pacing! Stop worrying about how your apologies will be received or how people will accept you or not accept you. You can’t control either. (4) Stop past pacing! Don’t hold on to anything beyond healing it. . The only place you can make a difference is right here, right now. What you do today will take care of tomorrow.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Gifts of Gratitude

How do we remain consistently exuberant and exhilarated by life? What is the secret? It’s all about gratitude. It’s about being delighted in the ordinary and surprised and awed by existence — our own and everyone else’s. It’s about sitting around your Holiday table feeling vitally aware and profoundly grateful for every breath and awareness, every bite, every sensation, every bad joke, rewrapped gift and retold story.

Fifty years ago, Abraham Maslow, the father of humanistic psychology, recognized the power of gratitude to recharge the soul: He spoke of the capacity to “appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy, however stale these experiences may have become to others” as a central gift of what he called “self-actualizing individuals.”

When you are in the state of gratitude, you experience a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life, more than simply a pleasant emotion to experience or a polite sentiment to express. It’s an effervescence, a visceral sense of joy and heartfelt connection to life.
Recent psychological research shows that:

1. People who are experiencing gratitude have greater resistance and protection from the destructive impulses of envy, greed and disease.

2. The practice of gratitude as a spiritual discipline may cure excessive materialism and negative emotions of envy, resentment, disappointment, and bitterness;

3. Gratitude supports well-being by displacing resentment, regret, and other low level energies that are deterrents to long-term happiness; and

4. Grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions — happiness, vitality, optimism, and hope — and greater satisfaction with life.

5. Grateful people have a higher level of reverence for life and every living thing.

6. Grateful people have better health and a sense of grace.

One way to make sure you keep gratitude in the forefront of your everyday awareness is to start a gratitude journal, or a gratitude mantra each day. On your way in to work instead of cursing the traffic, think about the fact that you are still here to curse it, that you have just taken a breath of life into your body. Be thankful that you have a multitude of choices, probabilities and possibilities throughout your day and you have the free will to make any of them as you go about creating your own reality. Think about the fact that you have the opportunity to tell those you love how much they mean to you while you are still here.

Think about the fact that you still have time; time to set things straight, make things right and express appreciation for all that this life has affords you. The sunsets. The dawn. The crimson and pale pink of a rose. The scent of aspen and fir on the mantel. Your friend’s laughter ringing through the air. The lights twinkling on the tree. The touch of your beloved. The crisp morning air. The sound of fine music. The taste of great food. The feel of silk slipping. The unconditional love of your child or your pet. The moments of true connection. The joy of new truths. The ecstasy in new awareness. Old photographs. New friends. Making history. The last bow. Pumpkin pie. The warmth of a fire. Old flannel shirts. New flannel shirts. Every breath. Every breath. Every breath. We have so much for which to be grateful.

One of things for which we are most grateful, is you. You give us a reason for being, for writing for telling our stories and truths. You give us a reason for reaching out and touching, beyond the distance into your homes and hopefully, your hearts. . You help us create a sense of community and caring. So, this Holiday, no doubt, one of the things the Arizona Together Family will be most grateful for is you. We hope your holiday season is filled with wonder and magnificent moments of gratitude.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Boo

When we are little there are lots of things that scare us. The possibility that Mom or Dad might leave scares us. Things that could be hiding under the bed or in the closet scare us. The frightening faces of Halloween scare us.

When we are bigger, and are grown up, other things scare us. The possibility of a lover, husband or wife leaving scares us. The possibility of going too deep into intimacy scares us. Being real scares us. Telling our true feelings scare us. Loving and being loved scares us. Finding out who we really are inside scares us. Maybe we are not so different from our children. Maybe we too hide behind different kinds of masks.

We hide behind words. • I really don’t care, which hides I’m afraid to tell you how much I care. • I’m not afraid, which hides please hold me. • It doesn’t matter, which hides I’m afraid to talk about my pain. • I’m fine, which hides I don’t know how to say I’m hurting. • What’s the point, which hides I’m afraid to change. • You don’t care, which hides I’m afraid you’ll leave me, so I leave first. • It’s your fault, which hides I’m responsible for my own reality. • There’s nothing I can do about it, which hides I don’t yet believe in myself. • Why bother, which hides I’ve lost my sense of power. • That’s just how things are, which hides I have given up.

We also hide behind cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, serial relationships and food. We hide behind interrogation, intimidation, guilt tripping, shame projecting and fault finding. Often we hide behind our fears and the lie that we tell ourselves about not being big enough to heal them. We hide behind the governments that make us do what we do. The lovers that make us act how we act and the bosses who hold us back from being who we really can be. We hide behind the people in our lives who won’t go first and who prevent us from being who we really are. Much of the time we hide behind what our parents did, or didn’t do, to us, as if being a parent comes with a complete set of tools and skills. We hide behind our pain as if feelings could kill us, our anger as if vulnerability was a bad thing, and our caustic sense of humor as if being real or loving was the same as being weak.

We hide behind busyness, rushing, appointments and too much to do. Sometimes we hide behind our church because we can always be forgiven. Or, our lovers who will love us no matter what we do or say that might be hurtful. We hide behind confusion, telling ourselves we don’t know where to find the truth. We hide behind the fear of caring too much, hurting too deeply or getting too involved to take a stand that changes the inequity and inhumanity in the world. Most of all we hide behind the lie that we don’t really know what is right, principled and spiritual.

Who knows, perhaps we could take a lesson from our children… consider the charade over … put down our masks and become real again. Maybe we would discover a safety, once lost, if we were to shed the protective facade that keeps us distanced from each other and our real feelings. Maybe we could find our true selves. There is a sense of relief that comes with being real. An added aliveness that allows us to step out of the shadows. No more spooky secrets to jump out and get us… no more boogie men behind untruths. No more costumes that hide the beauty and rightness of being who we really are.

Every feeling and thought we have is valid and expressing them all from a place of vulnerability is a place of great power. In that place where I honor all my feelings, I can honor yours as well, without judgment and without fear. Funny how that works. Just as in the light of day, the goblins and ghosts are seen for the nonsense they really are, so too our fear diminishes when we are standing in truth. Feelings, when brought into the light, prove to be nothing more… than simply feelings. Hmmm… I wonder…. do we adults have the courage to take off our masks when the kids do?

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Assume The Worst – Or Not

Legs that can’t stop kicking. Nails that continue to be bitten. A total lack of trust in anyone or anything. Sleepless nights spent ruminating. An inability to stop running, on the inside or the outside. These symptoms are not always the signs of a therapeutic or chemical disorder. They could be signs of -The Worst.

When THE WORST happens in your childhood, you can end up feeling as if THE WORST is always going to happen so you live life with an ASSUME THE WORST attitude. This assume the worst attitude becomes a protective mechanism that allows you to be more prepared for – you guessed it – the worst. If you don’t stop and remember at some point that you are no longer a child who needs this defense mechanism in order to survive, you could spend your life in flight or fight, always waiting for the other shoe to drop and feeling certain that something about you is causing each disaster.

People who assume the worst are hedging their bets, cushioning the fall and trying to anticipate and prepare for whatever bad thing is coming. It is a self-protective mechanism. However, while in this belief, you expend tons of energy and countless hours of worry and fretting over imagined consequences. You forfeit hours of joy. In addition, you, no doubt, have a compromised immune system that is working over time expecting that big boogeyman that seldom arrives…the worst. The worst already happened and you already survived it.

Never again will you be a 3-foot helpless child without any support system, without the power of language or body size and cognitive reasoning. Never again will you be in a position where you can’t find the answers or get what you need to be ok. You can take a breath. You can let your shoulders down. You can stop running. You already courageously survived the worst.

I know some of you are thinking, Well what about this bad thing that could happen? That would be the worst thing in the world for me! Perhaps there are still things in life that would feel terrible and difficult to overcome. However, at this point in your life, you are an adult who is not helpless and who is able to reach out for the support ant tools you need in order to survive whatever comes….unlike when you were a child. No doubt, over the past many years, you have put some additional tools in your tool bag and you have learned a thing or two. You are probably making different choices that are self-loving and self-respecting. You also probably have a good intuitive read when trouble walks through your door. All of which makes you safer.

Too many of us are living out of our red wagon of bad past experiences. These experiences of the past continue to control our decision making process today. They inhibit our willingness to take a risk, try something new or imagine the unimaginable. We look back at the times when we had an empty tool bag, were not as evolved spiritually and were less emotional equipped to handle life’s vicissitudes and challenges. With those memories as our defining factor we pass on opportunities to venture out and create new and better realities for ourselves. In other words, we remain stuck in our past waiting for the worst. We have forgotten what safety feels like, if we ever felt it.

It is important to give your mind and body the experience of safety on an energetic level. For instance, right now, put the paper down and just feel your surroundings. Notice that nothing and no one bad is coming. Notice your breathing and slow it down a bit. Let your shoulders drop and imagine what safety might feel like in your belly, in every one of the cells in your body. Become aware of the energy that surrounds you. Tell your body it can let go. Listen to chatter in your mind and thank that voice for working overtime to protect you. Let it know that you are finally safe and it no longer has to have that responsibility. Give it a new job, like being in charge of the fun quotient, and let it have permission to let go. It might just be that the worst thing happening in your life now, is getting rid of the worst.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.