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Just One Person

Just One Person

 

Earnest Holmes once said, “Find me one person who can get his own littleness out of the way and he shall reveal to me the immeasurable magnitude of the Universe in which I live.” This is the challenge of our lives today, to step aside out of our own littleness and step into the greatness of who truly are. However, this can seem a bigger challenge than it is due to the fact that much of the time we are dealing with a physical issue as much as an emotional one. How?

There are millions of neurons in our brains. Each time we repeat and action or a thought, the energy of that thought or action is sent from one neuron to the next both chemically and electromagnetically. Each repetitively thought or action literally creates a track in our brain that changes the typography. This is why scientists today, can examine the brain of deceased people and tell whether they have had addictions, abuse, stress or chemical exposures. They can tell if a person’s chemistry was out of balance and even whether they felt excessive long-lasting sadness and depression.  Our brains tell a story of fight, flight, freeze or succumb, they tell the story of our lives.

Depending upon the amount of energy in a belief or action, these tracks can be so deep that it can feel nearly impossible to change old habits and patterns, not unlike like an old truck going down a dirt road with deep grooves in it from all the trips back and forth. However, we must jump the track, so how do we do it?

First we need a great deal of compassion for ourselves and the awareness that even if you have a flash of enlightenment and a new understanding of an old issue that is self-defeating or unloving, you may still experience a resistance to changing it. Until you have practiced the new belief or action and it has at least fifty-one percent of the energy the old action or belief has, it won’t feel easy. We have to be committed to building up the energy until it grabs hold. Just as when you are dieting, the first few days feel awful, but then after several days when you get on the scale and are able to see the weight you have lost, you gain more momentum to continue.

Secondly, you will want to practice being in the moment to become aware of your self-defeating beliefs about change. For instance, you might feel, if I speak up, people will think I am stupid. It’s important to examine those fears and determine whether they are true, if they come from your past and if they are valid today. If they are from the past, there is no need to drag them into your life today. Instead make a conscious effort to recognize the fear, give it a voice, thank it for trying to keep you from being embarrassed or looking stupid and let it know that it no longer needs to protect you. As one of my favorite teachers, Ram Dass says, “Invite your fear in for tea.” The minute you begin to explore it, you instantly become bigger than it is. It loses it’s control on you.

Once you have diminished the fear, you will feel more able to go forward. If you are still in doubt just put a toe into the water and test doing something different in a small way until you can build on the energy. Don’t find fault with yourself or shame yourself for having these feelings. Everyone has them about something, whether they admit is or not.

Finally, make a decision to live from your path and purpose, not your pathology and pain. What you came here to do is be your best self. When you do that, and I know there are times when you have, don’t you feel empowered and stronger? When we are caught in the smallness of our lives and act little, we feel ashamed, diminished and powerless. We begin to believe that is all we are and that is a lie. What we came here to do is share our special gifts and energy and that may be what scares us the most. Trust me, you’ll have many people to play with. They may not be the people you play with now who are into remaining little, but the Universe will bring people to you that support your greatness. I promise.

Dr Dina Evan

© Dr Dina Evan 2013

Phoenix Arizona

(602) 997-1200

www.DrDinaEvan.com

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

This or That

 

This or That

 

Life is seldom this or that. It’s really all of it. In twenty-five years of counseling, I have never met an all bad person, nor have I ever met an all good one.  One person’s story or perspective is never all right and the other person’s is never all wrong.  The bad guys we vilify in the news are never really all bad and the good guys are really never all good.  We should lose the words good and bad because they require a judgment from someone about someone or something. As Shakespeare says, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” Everything just is.

There is a great deal of difference between judgment and discernment. We might discern that someone or some activity is not in our best interest, however, if we are simply discerning, we make that decision, without judging the person or the activity. We might even wish that person or thing could be different, but we don’t make a judgment about the situation or the person’s value. Peace of mind comes from accepting things as they are. The foundation of all our unhappiness is a lack of acceptance.

Our boyfriend breaks up with us and the agony begins because we want it to be different. Actually, the longer we hold on, the more we are saying, I am willing to be with someone who doesn’t want and love me. We lose our house and we agonize over it feeling like a failure, never thinking the next one might be better. Someone dies and we hold on refusing to let life in because we cannot accept the loss, which is a natural part of life and being human. I am not implying we shouldn’t have feelings about these challenges in life. We will have big feelings because we are human and capable of feeling everything. However, at some point in order to live life fully we have to get to a place of acceptance. Life is not out to get us, life simply happens. Things come and go and so do we. What might change if you considered it all good?

The people who have empowered lives, filled with meaning, are the ones who get up everyday feeling that they love their lives and every challenge that life gives them. After all, aren’t those challenges the way we push our souls forward and hone our character? How else could we become who we came here to be? Thomas Edison said of things that didn’t go right, “I have not failed. I’ve just found ways that won’t work.” Edison had no concept of failure; only opportunities to discover what didn’t work.

 

The deeper lesson is to accept all things with a sense of reverence. A master stands, arms outstretched, in the middle of this and that and is attached to or attracted to neither. He or she simply says, ”Ah so, here is this, or here is that.” A master understands that life is filled with all of it. We have trouble and we have compassion and consolation. We have abundance and we have emptiness and loss. We have cold and heat, times up and times down and to remain in the flow and aliveness of life we must be willing accept all of it.

Ellen Bass, one of the authors of the Courage to Heal says, “…to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you’ve held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it. When grief sits with you,

Its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, how can a body withstand this? Then you hold life like a face between

your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, I will take you, I will love you, again.”

Don’t miss it. Be your own best friend. Let yourself feel all of it, Cling to nothing. Embrace everything including every fear and feeling. Society will teach you to fear your feelings because they can kill you. In more than twenty-five years, I have never lost a client or seminar guest, family member, child or friend to a feeling. It does not happen. You will never leave the planet due to having a feeling, but you may leave wishing you had felt more of them with acceptance.

 

Dr Dina Evan

© Dr Dina Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.

Connection

There is no greater gift on the planet than our ability to create connection with each other. It is the most sacred dance in life even though we often forget to treat it as sacred. When I speak of it, people’s eyes cross and they look at me as of I am speaking a foreign language. We are confused about connections. Who should we connect deeply with? What kind of connection is taboo? What does connecting mean? Webster says (1) it is the act of joining, establishing a relationship or (2) to hit solidly and successfully. Perhaps all those definitions are also applicable here. In order for me to get connected, I have to create a level of conscious awareness with myself or another, hence a joining has occurred. Once I am connected to myself, I am able to know what I am feeling, thinking and perceiving. I can also know in this state of connection, through empathy and presence, what another is thinking and feeling so a relationship is established. I need a precise and focused point of awareness to get connected in the first place and so perhaps that is the hit solidly and successfully of which Webster speaks.

When I connect with myself, it is a statement that I am willing to discover both the greatness and the smallness in myself. I am willing to allow neither one to establish my worth. Instead, I am willing to heal my attachment to either and be free. It is an outward demonstration of inner character and courage. Connecting with myself is an act of love and honor for me that say’s I am worth it. I deserve as big a place in my day-timer, check book and life as I give to everyone else.

Connecting with me also affirms that I have the ability and trust to heal anything dislikable I might find inside myself, without self-judgment or self-loathing. Connecting with myself is a valiant act that says I am finally no longer afraid that what I will find inside myself is someone who is either not loveable or nothing at all.

When I connect with those in the outer circle of my life, in the grocery store line or where I teach, it is a statement that I can see the value and worth of people as individuals on their own path which is not so different than mine. I honor the divinity in others and am safe enough in my own process and life to be safe in their world as well.

When I connect with those who dance in the inner circle of my life, it is a statement that says I love you and therefore you deserve the best of who I am. You deserve the truth of who I am and the fullest presence of who I am. For if I value you as the gold and Spirit in my life, my character and integrity prevent me from standing before you offering anything less…for that would cheat on my own soul.

I connect with the earth, and each living thing as a statement of my wisdom and understanding that the earth is one living energy and each part of it, human or not, is a part of me. Therefore, connection is the key to everything. In the center of it I find myself. In the center of it, I find you. In the center of it, I find God, the Universe, and the Divine – whatever you perceive that to be. Therefore our great gift is to reach beyond our fear and get connected to all of life, and everyone in it, so that we can find ourselves.

Many of us are afraid of being connected to anything. What if I connect with myself and find that I am nothing or worse yet, a really bad person? I have never met a really bad person. I have met wounded people, lonely people and scared people, but never a bad person among them. I am not even sure what that might mean. Everyone one of us is still working on our selves trying to get it right. No one deliberately causes pain for themselves or others unless they are ill. If they are ill, they are not bad. So, when you get connected to yourself and discover something you don’t particularly like, simply heal it.

What will it mean if I connect with you? You could leave me. You might depend on me too much or dump your problems on me. You might expect something I don’t want to give. That is the dance. Learning to set and respect boundaries and still remain in the center of intimacy with all of life.

The task at hand for all of us is to learn to be connected and yet safe with ourselves. It’s a process and an on-going one that will last the rest of our lives.

So what are you feeling right now? Do you feel your body? Do you have a sense of your emotions? Can your feel the love in the person sitting across from you? Can you feel love for the person sitting across from you? Can you feel the love in the universe? If not, take a breath and get connected. Bulwer once said, “True eloquence is that which holds us too mute for applause.” True connection is that which holds us in grace too exquisite and precious for words.

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013

All rights reserved. No part of the intellectual property of Dr. Dina Evan may be reproduced, placed on mechanical retrieval system, transmitted in any form by electronic, video, laser, mechanical photocopy, recording means or otherwise in part or in whole, without written permission of the author. Contents are fully copyrighted and may not be owned by any other individual or organization.