Consciousness
One at a Time
I’ve never been big on New Year’s
resolutions; they feel like a set up to me. It feels
a bit like pop-psychology. Just pretend you have done
all the work you need to do to break those limiting
behaviors and just jump to the other side of the bridge.
If you really didn't do the work, it is not surprising
that without too much ado or too much time having passed,
we are back at the same old nasty habits. So I set
goals.
As time passes, the goals seem to be changing in nature. They are harder to set
because there is less that I want. They have become more personal in focus because
the material has become less important and somehow my goals each year have evolved
into a kind of in-my-face, reflection of my values in life and how they are changing.
I grew up in the middle of the Yuma desert, in an Army trailer smaller than my
current bedroom. Five people, my Mom and Dad and a sister and brother, lived
in that tiny space, not knowing where our next meal was coming from. I left home
at thirteen, raised four kids by myself and fought my way through the feminist
movement while also fighting the ingrained belief that life had to be hard. So,
when I was younger my goal projections were filled with entries about survival.
Start a savings account. Buy a new car. Increase your income and become financially
secure. Later, they became about learning, a luxury I had little time for previously.
Get your degree. Sit for and pass the MFCC exam. Learn to write a book. Take
seminars and classes. Then my goals took on a more personal note. Start to meditate
more. Create a spiritual support group. Find a life-mate - okay so that one has
taken a while. Loose weight. Define your spiritual practice. And this year, for
the first time, I find that I am sitting here with an empty sheet glaring at
me for the past several days from the corner of my desk, wondering where do I
go from here? I have fasted longer than Gandhi, learned to love with a whole
heart, stood in the truth of what I believe and had ecstatic moments in the face
of God. What could possible be left?
It seems, as I grow older my focus becomes less outward and the goals take on
a more intimate perspective. They have a more emotional hue and require reflection
on what there is in life that really fulfills me. The most profound moments for
me are those that contain deep connection to others and myself. I remember a
story in Chicken Soup for the Soul, by Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen in which
they describe a friend who was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset.
As he walked he spotted a local native who kept leaning down and picking up something
and throwing it into the ocean. As he approached closer to the native he saw
the man was picking up star fish that had been washed up onto the beach, and
one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water.
“If I don’t throw them back into the water, they’ll die up
here from lack of oxygen,” he said.
“I understand," the friend said, “but there must be thousands
of starfish on this beach. You can’t possibly get to all of them. There
are simply too many. And don’t you realize this is probably happening on
hundreds of beaches up and down the coast. Can’t you see that you can’t
possibly make a difference?”
The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and as
he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “Made a difference to that one.”
Perhaps at this time in my life it all boils down to something very simple. The
most profound truths for me are always the most simple. No more lofty, grandiose
goals. No more material accumulations. Just simply the one and only thing that
gives me joy and creates the ecstasy. Finally that damn sheet can come off the
corner of my desk! On it I will write, “During each day with some person
that I meet, I will make a difference, one at a time.”
Arizona Together
January 2002
Dr. Dina Evan
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